Having a Small, Frugal Thanksgiving with Social Distancing Guidelines
Growing up, my every Thanksgiving was jam-packed with family members and our massive buffets. I have a total of 25 first cousins, to give you an idea of how huge my extended family actually is. And that doesn’t even count my cousin’s spouses, just those I’m directly related to. It didn’t matter if we were at my Nona’s house for Thanksgiving lunch or my Nana’s for Thanksgiving dinner: there was no such thing as a small get-together in the best of times, let alone having a small Thanksgiving altogether. Plus, none of us are rich and we don’t have massive homes. Social distancing is impossible with that many people, no matter who was hosting.
I know having that big of a family is outside the norm for quite a few. Maybe your Thanksgiving looks more like dinner at your grandparent’s house with less than ten people total. Maybe you’re looking at the CDC holiday guidelines and thinking it’s okay to risk it. OR you’ve decided that a socially-distanced Thanksgiving is better than a Christmas in the hospital ICU.
I know you love Thanksgiving and the joy of the holiday season. I know it’s near-sacrilege to alter traditions or just straight-up continue isolating yourself from your loved ones. But this is one of those times where sacrifice must be done for a healthier family and a healthier community. Foregoing seeing others in person this Thanksgiving could very well be the difference between someone living or dying. Yes, it is that black and white. No, I’m not budging on this.
So take a deep breath, cry if you must, and make sure you’re having the best small Thanksgiving you can.
Go Back to Giving Thanks for Your Small Thanksgiving
I don’t live under a rock. I’ve been at several Thanksgiving dinners where one or more guests had to leave early. Not because they wanted to, but so they could start working for the Black Friday insanity. At some point capitalism sunk its hefty claws into this humble holiday and overshadowed it with THE BIGGEST BLOWOUT OUTLET SALES OF THE YEAR. WAKE THE FUCK UP AT 3 AM TO JOIN THE STAMPEDES NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!! My uncle, a Catholic priest, would often offer some words of blessing and thanks before the meal. Sometimes it rang hollow in light of just how much corporate interests loomed over our heads. Including with how many family members just cared about watching football on TV.
Maybe now is the time to, instead, return to the original moral messaging of Thanksgiving to, well, focus purely on giving thanks. The first Thanksgivings were small affairs, too. I put that as plural for a reason, because the three-day banquet with the local tribesmen was not a regular Pilgrim Thanksgiving. For them, days of thanksgiving were spent in prayer thanking God for the end to warfare or drought. And let me tell you from my very informed Catholic upbringing: those days were spent doing nothing except losing circulation in your legs and sending psychic messages up to the Artist Formerly Known as Prince (of Peace).
Otherwise, about as far as you could get from lavish, drunken feasting.
So your small Thanksgiving this year will be just with those in your household. So it won’t bear much similarity to the feel-good memories of holidays past. For this year, that’s going to be okay; it’s the most preferable to ensuring others can have future Thanksgivings, after all. So spend more of the day practicing mindfulness, or use it as an excuse to start practicing. Think about how glad you are to be living in the home you have, or how excited you are to eat the food you have for this occasion. Talk to your loved ones, whether those in your household or over the phone, about what you’re most grateful to them for.
Recognizing the good things in your life is a blessing in and of itself. They’re scarcer this year because of, well, this year. That doesn’t mean you can skip finding the silver lining to things. Trying that out leaves you with a more complete sense of peace – something that’s sorely, sorely needed at this point in time.
And Please, Give Back
I’d really like to advise you to give back like they did at the original historical Thanksgiving. I can’t do that in light of everything that’s happened to the indigenous after their help in 1621. There’s no reason to celebrate if it’s to celebrate the tribal genocide and oppression that the government merrily continues through 2020. Instead, recognize the crucial role natives played and incorporate giving back to them as part of your small Thanksgiving.
I highly recommend donating for those who can spare the funds like myself. Earlier today I sent $300 to the First Nations Development Institute, which is one of the top charities for natives in the US. They’ve also got two particular funds to donate to you might be interested in: one is their COVID-19 Emergency Response Fund, which is especially huge for their at-risk populations. The other is their Native Youth & Culture Fund, which – bonus! – if you donate to this fund before December 31st, your gift will be matched to DOUBLE your impact. Either way you’re supporting those that played a crucial role in the first Thanksgiving and that’s what’s missing from millions of celebrations today.
Other indigenous nonprofits I’d recommend include Partnership with Native Americans (PWNA) and the American Indian College Fund. For more options feel free to do your own research or check out lists like this one. Heck, just donate in general. Giving $500 to the Greater Boston Food Bank provides over 1,500 meals to those in need, if you’re about the food part of the holidays. So scrape your spare change together and live out the MORAL message for the holiday: giving thanks for whatever blessings you have, and sharing the spoils with those that have not.
A Small Thanksgiving Can Get Seriously Exciting
Suddenly, when your small Thanksgiving is more about your ideals than material things, celebrating gets a lot more flexible. If you’re going with the moral message of giving thanks, you realize there’s parts of the traditional celebration you don’t strictly need. Do you really need a turkey with all the fixings? If that’s some freaky requirement of yours then several grocery stores sell kits to make it as hassle-free as possible. If you realize that no, it’s not, then do what I’m doing and make your own damn special meal.
Mine’s Chicago deep dish pizza, which I’ll have to go a couple towns over for. Despite my utter love for it – and respect for it as the superior pizza form – I hardly ever have it. New England thinks having apples and maple syrup is enough of a culinary achievement that they settle for New York style pizza. Heretics, all of them. Deep dish is the best pizza and this is the hill I will die on. And otherwise make a pilgrimage a few towns over to get, when I’ve got the best reason ever to do it.
So I’ll be having my deep dish pizza along with my Nona’s special garlic bread. Basically, French bread with melted garlic butter drenching ever slice. Good God, there’s nothing better. I’ll return to the regularly-scheduled turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie when I can share it in person with everyone else. Those dishes just wouldn’t be the same without others to share it with, so I’m going to make this Thursday’s feast different but still exciting. Yours can be something like fancy sushi! Eating nothing but pies! Taco night WITH ALL THE GUAC.
THE WORLD OF FOOD IS NOW YOURS TO CONQUER.
Just go to the grocery store and go apeshit. That’s the kind of thing that offers a bright spot and something to laugh about later on.
We Don’t Love It, But Virtual is the Obvious Answer
Thanks to technology, we’ve been able to flatten the curve a hell of a lot more than we could have otherwise. This is all because the people who still have jobs or schoolwork can continue on with an Internet connection. As social creatures, humans need physical contact and yes, going all-remote is exacerbating mental health. I really wish I could say a small Thanksgiving get-together with folks outside your home is fine and dandy, but it’s not. Utilize Skype, Zoom, or Google Meet/Hangouts to have your immunocompromised loved ones there in some way.
For those who are both immunocompromised and not tech-savvy, make do with a phone call. Now that we’ve got vaccines on the way, this virus has an end date definitively coming. I will have no sympathy for you if you choose to expose your loved ones in the name of tradition or loneliness at this juncture.
Share with me what you’re doing for your funky small Thanksgiving! I want to hear about what you’re doing and share it with my social media friends! No matter what you’re going with I’m excited you’re putting new thought into this holiday season.
Cover image credit: Stefan Vladimirov via Unsplash